A truly Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!

I have always loved Christmas. It is my favorite time of year. And since becoming a mom, it has become even more special. I get to see the magic of it all through my kids eyes. The fun they have just riving around looking at the Christmas lights. Or helping put the tree up and the ornaments on. Klara telling me, "oh, we can't do this one because it's your special delicate one." It's just an all around great time of year! Most of the time.

Cardinal George blessing Ben last Christmas

Last year was not such a great time of year for us. Ben was in the PICU. He was very very sick. His heart rate kept creeping up, even with the maximum amount of heart meds.  He was blessed by Cardinal George last year. And I was afraid of not seeing another Christmas with him. For that reason, I did not want him to be alone at all. Ever. Joe, the girls and I opened Christmas presents with him in the PICU. Then Joe stayed with Ben, while the girls and I went to Kohl's house to open presents with the rest of my family. Joe did come over briefly to Kohl's house when we lost the skype connection. Then we all went back over to the PICU. It was a very sad Christmas for us. I even dressed Ben up in a Christmas outfit. I still have that outfit. the nurses had to cut it up to make room for all of Ben's lines.

This Christmas, I feel so very thankful. But, I am also reminded of the reason that Ben is here. I am so very grateful that Ben is here with us. I am so happy that he is crawling around, and for the most part is very healthy. He loved all of his presents this year. He loved watching his sisters open their presents and playing with their things. He gets such a smile when Abby built a tower for him from his blocks, and then he knocked it down. It was a fun game to him. He also loved playing with all the boxes and paper from all the gifts.

I am forever thankful to the donor's family for giving us this awesome gift. We have Ben here spending Christmas with us. He is so happy. But, it also makes me think of how they must be feeling this year. Last year, they had their baby with them for Christmas too. They might have been playing with him/her around the Christmas tree, taking pictures. And, this Christmas, they don't have their baby anymore. It pains me to think of the hurt they might be going through at this time of year. Ben got his heart a little over a week after Christmas. So, while we are forever thankful that we have Ben, I am also thinking of his donor family during this time. Joe and I are writing the letter to his donor family soon. I hope that the fact that their child lives on in Ben might offer them a little bit of comfort. I hope that knowing that he is truly living a wonderfully full life and is alive, thanks to their selfless gift in a time of sorrow, might help ease the pain a little. Words can not express how I feel right now. All I can say is, I feel very very thankful and truly blessed to have this year with Ben and hopefully many many more to come!